I am not sure why it has taken me so long to write about these last few days.

I must have tried to write this at least 10 times, but I just couldn’t make it happen.  I am not sure if I was just worn out or if it was something deeper.  By the time I finished with day 30 I was exhausted.  Exhausted of thinking about it, exhausted of doing it, but mostly exhausted from all of the emotions.

Also, I have a confession.  As I started to see the number of readers of this blog growing, I found myself writing for the reader.  Instead of finding the joy in giving and living out of that giving, I was stressing about what to write.  Not only that, but I even caught myself at times trying to give to someone that I knew would make a good story.

So for that sake I  have to say that I did give the last three days, but I have to just let it rest with that.

I learned a very important lesson during the last week or so of this – the truth about life’s rhythms.  I believe that I was led for specific purposes to give for 30 days straight, but I would not do it this way again.  I learned that God has designed us with the need for rest.  Rest from doing.  Rest in Him.

I have learned the value of sabbath.  A time of rest, a time of restoration.  And to this point, it is sad to me that I have not learned this before.  Sure, I have “learned” it, but I have not known it due to its necessity in my life.  Until this time of giving I did not long for a day of rest in my God.  I understand now why he desires this for us – we should be so diligently bringing the truth and love of His kingdom that we need rest.

Another reason for the delay was discouragement.

During the last week we found out that Charl had left the rehab house.  We spent the next two days trying to find her.  We finally did and she told us that she left because she didn’t get along with the other girls.  It is clear that she would rather be back in her old life.

It feels like we failed.  I know that we served a specific purpose in her life and she made the decision.  But is still feels like we failed her.  And God.  I do not regret anything we did in any way, I guess this is just part of the deal.  When we dive in with Christ, we find the rejection that He finds.

Everyday people who He died for reject him.  He feels that pain every hour of ever day.

Advertisements