Yesterday Brittney and Xena decided to call around and try to find a program for rehab that Xena could check into.  They started calling around 10 am.

By 2 pm they were discouraged.  Almost no one answered, and the ones that did answer just told them that they were full and had a long wait list.   But our God is bigger than wait lists and voicemail.  Brittney called me at 3:30 and told me that Xena had an interview in an hour.  One of the best houses in Nashville just had an opening today and if Xena could get there right away, they would interview her first.

When we walked into the place I was amazed.  It was a beautiful large home with warm colors, a fire-place, and best of all, it smelled like home-cooking.  Greeting us at the door was a beautiful woman who looked to be in her mid-forties.  She was at least my height and looked as though she could easily take me, but she had a welcoming smile and a calming voice.  She greeted Brit and I and introduced herself as Karen, but quickly moved to Xena and hugged her.  She pulled her by the hand over to the couch.

We sat across the room and just watched this woman.  She started by telling Xena that she was an addict, 24 years clean.  She introduced the “house mom” who lives in the house with the girls and mentioned that she was an addict, 6 years clean.  Then she looked at Xena and began to ask her questions.  I watched Xena move from tense, to open, then relaxed as Karen used the “lingo” of addicts.  She was not surprised by Xena’s answers.  She didn’t judge her in any way. Crack.  Prostitution.  Each just making Karen hold Xena’s hand tighter and tighter.

After they had talked for a while, Karen explained the program.  She said that this was not a program to come and go, or just a place to stay.  This is a regimented program.  The first 30 days are intense.  Daily counseling, group meetings, and no leaving the house.  This was a program for those who are really ready to commit to change.  She told Xena that before she could come there, Xena would have to be ready to do “whatever it takes” to get clean and begin a new life.

She asked Xena what she thought.  Xena said she would have to think over it and call her in the morning.

Then Karen talked about the costs.  She said that it is $140 a week.  Karen also said that the girls cannot work for the first 30 days while in the program. This is an amazing price considering the program, but I knew that Xena did not have any money.

When we got home, we prayed with Xena and she wanted to go right to bed.  She said that she would make a decision in the morning.

I have to be honest.  I was a little sick to my stomach.  I am still such a greedy person.  I did not want to carry this burden.  We cannot afford to pay $140 this week, much less commit to 4 weeks of it.  We are supposed to be moving for school soon and my bathroom has mold in it still.  Brittney and I talked and prayed.  She of course did not understand the dilemma.  To her, it was simple.

It was as if God himself slapped me in the face.  It hit me that I think I am the provider.  Despite what I would tell people or teach or write, I believe in my heart that I am the one who earns the money, lays the plans, and provides the means.

I am not.

He is the one who provides.  Everything is His and for His purpose.  Me, my wife, our house, our plans, our money.  All His.  It is not a sacrifice to give what is not mine, it is obedience; it is love.

We decided that if Xena wanted to go in the morning we would make the commitment to pay for it.

Today when we woke up Xena told us that she was ready to change and had decided to go.  We packed up her stuff and headed over.  We got her checked in, got her some groceries and paid the first weeks bill.  She is so excited to be there.

I had no idea how we will pay for her to stay there.  But I know that it was exactly what God was providing for her.  He is her provider as much as he is mine.

Later today I was talking with Brian Lambert, an amazing friend of mine, about the whole situation.  Without even hesitating, he said, “Rebecca and I will pay half of it.  I would make that investment any day.”  Wow.  I agonized about it all night long, worried myself sick, and got slapped in the face by God, and Brian says “we’ll pay half” without even thinking about it.

How greedy am I?  I have so much to learn.  I love how Brian called it an investment.  He understands something about the provision of God that I have not yet grasped.

God, please teach me to live with true understanding that you are the provider.  I am so weak; let your grace cover my weakness.