After seeing Jerry’s drawings yesterday I decided that my give today would be better sketching equipment.  The kind employee at Michael’s helped me cipher through to find the best lead, then I made my purchase and headed home.

My wife and I had decided that today was going to be a “sabbath” night of rest.  We were going to shut off our phones, rent movies and snack on hummus.  I told her that I had gotten the stuff for Jerry and I wanted to run them over to him.  We got in the car for our quick trip over.  God had different plans.

When we pulled onto Jerry’s street we saw Xena.  Brittney had been trying to find her for the past several days.  We pulled over and she jumped in asking if she could get warm.  I pulled up, ran the stuff in and talked with Jerry for a while.  When I came back out to the car Brittney and Xena were both crying.

The conversation had obviously taken a more serious turn.  Brittney was saying something like, “You don’t have to continue in this.  God loves you and wants better for you.  We will help you.”  We drove around for a long time talking about her options and her life.  Basically, her life consist of prostitution to pay for more drugs.  4-5 times a day.

Xena said that she “is in it too deep now.”  She meant that she was too high right then and that she would want more drugs in a couple hours so she needed to get back on the streets so she could make more money.  I felt God calling me to push myself further than I felt comfortable going.  I told Xena that she could come and stay at our house.  I have never done this.  I don’t know why really, probably fear more than anything.

We told her that if she was ready to give up on this life she could come and stay with us.  She started to cry like she did the first night I met her.  I assumed that since I had taken this “leap of faith” she would, of course, say yes.  But she did not.  Instead she said through her tears that she wanted to go back to the motel street corner.  I looked over at my wife and her eyes filled with tears and panic spread across her face.

We tried again to convince her.  We told her of our extra room and our clean shower and reminded her of the hope she had once talked about.  She told us that she loved us but she needed to go back.  She needed the drugs.

I realized that I had to take her back.  I wanted to just drive to my house and “make” her stay with us.  But she did not want that.  I turned around and drove back to the motel.  As she got out of the car we were all crying.  We watched her walk back to the corner, zip her jacket, and wipe her eyes.

As we drove away my wife was sobbing.  She said, “I don’t know what to do with this sorrow.”

I wondered why on a night that we had needed rest and time alone did God place this in our paths.

But if I had a child trapped by the life that holds Xena, and someone I knew was going to see her, I would beg them to stop and just tell her that I love her.  Even if they said, “well, we were planning on relaxing and being alone tonight,” I would ask again.   I would beg them.

I would still say, “please, just take some time and remind her that I am here, that I miss her, and that I love her.  Please, she is my daughter.”